


Ephemeral

by wanderingalonelypath



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Addiction, Angst, M/M, No Dialogue, Other, light cheating?, malec mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-27 00:56:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14414187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanderingalonelypath/pseuds/wanderingalonelypath
Summary: Jace wasn't the same after coming back to life. He didn't fit in his old life. He didn't fit with Clary, didn't fit with Alec like he used, didn't fit back into this skin that he suddenly felt like wasn't his. He keeps trying to live this lie. but it just wouldn't fit. He can't go back to old loves.Simon is missing, and like it always was after Simon tasted him, after he tasted death, he's drawn back into Simon's orbit.It looks like he can't go back to old grudges, either.





	Ephemeral

Jace couldn’t focus. Then again, he couldn’t focus much these days. Valentine was dead, good riddance, but he wasn’t happy about it. He was glad Valentine was gone, make no mistake. Valentine had hurt his family too much, killed too many innocent people. He deserved exactly what he got. 

But he was still Jace’s father.

A twisted face hidden by the mask of Michael Wayland, but his father all the same. The fact that he was actually gone, that Clary killed him for good, hadn’t really set in yet.

And then there was Clary.

As he was dying, he meant what he told her. He did love her. As his life was bleeding out of him, he couldn’t help but think about the life he wouldn’t have with her. Marriage, kids, fighting demons together. She brought him back, and that should have been the best thing that ever happened to him. He got another chance at living, and Clary loved him enough that she brought him back when she could’ve had anything else in the world.

So he kissed her and hugged his parabatai and tried to go back to life before Valentine.

But everything had changed.

The celebration was dripping with relief. Everyone was drinking and hugging and kissing. Alec left the party early after finally getting back together with Magnus, and everyone was euphoric. Jace felt like he was burning from the inside out. He didn’t want to rain on anyone’s parade, so he left early, and tried to keep his screams down to groans as his blood boiled in his skin. Tried to act like everything was normal when Clary crawled into his bed that night, tried to ignore the shadows of doubt and death that hung over them as he kissed her.

Kept ignoring them for the rest of the night, after Clary fell into an exhausted sleep and he could only stare up at the ceiling, waiting for the next ball to drop.

Simon went missing the next day.

Jace didn’t know why he was so worried. Simon never meant that much to him, and it really was his own fault. He made a deal with the Seelie Queen, he paid the price. So why was he so eager to strap on his seraph blade when Clary called for a rescue.

Jace found him first, hunting in the Wander Woods while an entourage distracted the Court. He had a feeling that the Queen knew exactly what he was doing, but she hadn’t stopped him yet. He didn’t know if that should comfort him or scare him.

He found Simon wrapped in thorny vines, pinned against a tree and covered in blood. His heart jumped into his throat and he was cutting Simon down before he knew what was happening. The vampire slumped into his arms, eyes closed and the holes left from the vines still bleeding sluggishly.

“Simon. Simon, come on. We have to get out of here.” Jace shook his shoulders, slapped him, pinched him. If it was even possible, Simon looked paler than he normally did. He wasn’t healing. He lost too much blood.

Bad idea. Probably one of the worst ideas you’ve had to date.

But he’ll die.

Jace couldn’t understand why the idea of a world without Simon terrified him. They had never been close, even after Jace saved his life and turned him into a daylighter. He still remembered the venom running through his veins, sickly-sweet cold, like rich chocolate that hurt his teeth. He shivered at the thought.

His skin barely stung as he ran his blade in a clean cut just above his wrist. He hoisted Simon into his lap, cradling his hand and holding the cut over his mouth, flexing to make it drip. The first drop hit his teeth, then his tongue, and the back of his throat. Jace could see as the taste and smell of blood brought Simon back from the brink.

Cold fingers closed around his upper arm and Simon was sinking his teeth in. His blood was burning again, a steady ache, but Simon’s venom took over, like icy water injected into his system. It flushed through the fire, effortlessly putting it out, and Jace suddenly understood addiction.

His eyes slipped closed and he threw his head back. The sound that came out of him could only be described as keening. Jace could feel the danger in this, knew it firsthand from Izzy’s experience, but this was the first time since he came back that he felt like a whole person rather than ill-fitting parts strung together.

He knew when he hit the point of Simon not needing any more. Slowly, he rose into a sitting position in front of Jace. Eyes closed and mouth open, Jace let it consume him, the sin and the benediction. The beauty of something terrible, that would only hurt after it was over.

A tear slipped out of his eye and Simon detached from him. He opened his eyes to see Simon staring at him, eyes empty and filled, a trickle of blood escaping his mouth. The venom was still in his bloodstream, and he saw the enraptured gaze Simon was giving him.

It was fake, but they both needed it to be real. It was wrong but they both needed to pretend it was right, this was normal, life was painless, for just a moment.

Jace tasted his own blood on Simon’s tongue. His nerves started to sing where Simon stroked his neck, held his side like Jace would break. 

Maybe he would.

Clary didn’t cry when Jace told her it was the end, for real, this time. She didn’t even look surprised. Maybe she felt this coming, just like he did. 

Simon stayed away from the Hunter’s Moon as often as possible, too afraid of facing promises broken and love tossed aside. Luke was disappointed when Simon wouldn’t give a reason for leaving her, but how could he explain?

Simon sometimes felt like Jace’s skin was jagged pieces of broken glass, the screaming from his nightmare the sound of him breaking again, night after night. 

Simon couldn’t fix Jace, and Jace couldn’t fix him. They were both broken pieces of different stained-glass elysiums. They didn’t fit.

But they stayed together, anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a bit of a mess...but I hope you liked it!


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